


The King's Men

by colisahotnorthernmess



Category: British TV Celebrities RPF, Chef RPF, Hairy Bikers RPF
Genre: Banter, Coming Out, Cooking, Ficlet, Friendship/Love, M/M, Talk of Bisexuality, reassuring kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-23 04:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20002156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colisahotnorthernmess/pseuds/colisahotnorthernmess
Summary: "So whether you're a king, whether you're a queen, or whether you're a bit of both - it really doesn't matter - you'll have eaten it in some way, shape or form.""Paupers to princes - Coronation chicken is for everybody," Dave agreed.One minute, Si was ad-libbing during a piece to camera as they presented their recipe for Coronation chicken, the next minute he was reluctantly admitting to Dave that there might be some hidden meaning behind the banter.





	The King's Men

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this is a work of fiction involving real people written by myself - it is a completely made-up fantasy and is in no way intended to cause offence.

"You can get it at posh garden parties, or in sandwiches from a garage," Myers explained, introducing the next dish.

"So whether you're a king, whether you're a queen, or whether you're a bit of both - it really doesn't matter - you'll have eaten it in some way, shape or form," Si chimed in.

"Paupers to princes - Coronation chicken is for _everybody_ ," Dave agreed, the pair nearly having finished their piece to camera - all that was left to do was start steaming the chicken breasts, so that they could resume filming when the cooking was close to completion.

* ~ * ~ *

"Or whether you're a bit of both," Dave snorted, "I like that, Kingy. Gave me a chuckle." They had just performed a small segment and now there was a brief break from filming as they waited for the chicken flavoured with lemon rind to finish cooking. The crew were taking five minutes, scrolling through social media on their phones, ringing their partners for quick lunchtime chats - off to make many cups of tea no doubt, with half-opened packets of chocolate Hobnobs, which looked like the wrappers had been chewed by some rabid animal, proffered to all.

"Well... Where's the rule saying you have to be one or the other?" Si laughed, drying off his washed hands. Soon, he would have to start making the curried sauce, which would be mixed with mayonnaise and creme fraiche. "I'm a King," he said, referring to his name, "But sometimes I like to be treated like a queen." He thrust the back of his hand dramatically to his forehead and threw the tea-towel over his shoulder with gusto - an over-the-top display of emotion.

"Conjures a bit of a strange image," Myers shook his head. His thoughts were filled with pictures of Queen Elizabeth the Second, dressed in a matching-coloured hat and coat - as she often did - perhaps in a sunflower yellow, or a peppermint green - only, this time, sporting a large beard and burly tattooed arms. "I can't see Her Maj sitting with her legs apart - on a construction site wall - in a pair of workmen's paint-splattered dungarees anytime soon." He resisted the urge to add: "Scratching her balls and wolf-whistling all the young ladies as they walk by."

"I didn't mean it like _that_ ," Simon replied, lowering his Geordie tones and unclipping his microphone, "I _meant_ that if people want to try _both_ sides, then they can. If that makes any sense. _That's all._ " He chose not to make eye-contact with Dave; for one, he felt silly and shy about what he was trying to say - for two, he wanted to see if Myers could work it out by himself with no further guidance.

"It'd be a bit hard for you to be a queen, though," Dave told him, still not really _getting_ it. "You're a big hairy _fella_." Yes - Si already _knew_ this. Why couldn't Dave simply read between the lines?

"Yeah... but that's just _one_ side of me, dude," King murmured, almost inaudibly, "Maybe I have a different side; maybe I want to try... _both_."

David's eyes widened as the realisation dawned on him, and he flushed red upon considering the possibility of Si being interested in men as well as women. Snippets pounded through his mind - flashes of Simon getting off with another man, and then that other man becoming _him_ \- tugging at one another's clothing and pulling desperately at jeans until trousers were abandoned, hungrily squeezing hard, _throbbing_ flesh-- oh _god_ , this kitchen was becoming _hot_.

His cheeks were suddenly turning the colour of beetroot - and that was quite ironic in a strange sort of way, because it was one of the few ingredients they _didn't_ have on display here today - and Simon felt immediately _terrible_ , because he thought he had _embarrassed_ Dave and why did he even have to mention it _anyway_? What did he have to gain from sharing such information? Even if Myers _was_ his best bloody friend in the whole world.

The bespectacled chef sensed his co-host's building anxiety rather quickly and, seeing that the crew were now finally heading back to join them, Dave swiftly placed a reassuring, tender kiss on Simon's cheek and clutched lovingly at his hand before they were able to see a thing. Si couldn't help but look back at him and smile with adoration. He really was one lucky _'king_ guy to have someone who understood him so damned well.


End file.
